TODAY! $10,000 To Every U.S. Citizen For Fingerprint! – American Citizen Enrichment Day Act

Our Washington D.C. reporter Patrick Klein frantically called our main offices half-hour ago, with the promise of “Dire Emergency News”. D.E.N. is the highest priority we assign an article, equivalent to war breakout news, and disasters. It being Saturday, the answering service took in about 42 calls. 3/31 11:32PM Central US, half-hour later, editor Ed Ronn checked the voice-mail system, and immediately called-in a crew of 7 reporters to start writing the article you are reading. The article of the century. The scoop that Klein found is nothing short of the journalistic 100lbs diamond that will launch to the highest publication ranks in the history of men. Alexa Ratings representative just called, congratulating with the estimate of our website to have the double of the gross total of Google’s traffic by the end of today. Since Klein is exclusively on our payroll, we own the entirety of this story. Ronn spoke to the President a few minutes ago, having Mr. Obama confirm the existence of H.R. 4221, and giving us the permission to publish this article. Thus making us the first website to find a legal loop-hole to enrich every single American in a day, without anything in return.

The well known truth is that our government often passes out laws that financially benefit the diverse groups of people. Thus, keeping America afloat. The sad factor to those programs, is that they are too often, if not almost always designed in ways to only benefit those who are already in financial power, and those who know how to get the money. These kinds of programs are very rarely targeted at the middle and low class citizens. However, our government can’t boldly keep on passing out the riches to the rich, we all pay taxes, so every once in a while bills aimed at helping average citizens, are passed into laws. But even when that happens, those programs are often never advertised and publicized about. In fact, the better the program, the less people will ever know it existed. Henceforth, it becomes the “we did it just to say that it was available” kind of a thing. Most reporters almost never discover the bills like the H.R. 4221, that was made into law called the American Citizen Enrichment Day Act. Passed into a law in just one day, and is designed to work for just one day, this Sunday, right now!

So what Klein uncovered is the fact that $10,000 is extended to every and any American who goes to any bank this Sunday. The criteria is that there is no criteria. Today is about the bailout of the poor and the middle class America. Of course, nobody who designed this law ever thought that a journalist would find the program, and publish it. It was of course buried, yet Klein stayed on his source, finding & publishing the information before, not after the program ended. It’s estimated that the biggest mistake that will be talked about for years, is the half-hour lost in publishing this by Ronn. Since the news broke, most banks offer to stay open longer for the duration of this Sunday’s event. The largest order of the hundred dollar bills in history is being executed at this hour by most of the branches nationwide. Reports of night caravans of the securities delivery trucks are coming in constantly. Most of the bank branch managers are expected to be on the phone with the government, and their supervising offices, as none of this was expected. Business chaos of preparation is reported at this late hour. Print the program voucher below, bring a pen and two photo identifications to your local bank. Every citizen to do that will be given an immediate $10,000 in cash, or deposited into their account, if they have one. All payed for by Uncle Sam. This is not a loan, and the money will be released on the spot to do with as you like. You must know your valid Social Security number.

Try to do the same thing twice, like going to two different banks, and you will spend years in jail. Since your personal identification and your fingerprint will be collected today, it will be very easy for authorities to track those who would try to scam the system aimed to refresh America. Minimum jail sentence of 25 years to life is imposed on those who will try to cheat the system by collecting the money more than once. Those who think they can even walk out with the second batch of money, should know that most banks are arranging for local police to be present during the day, while they screen every individual against the system, to see if they already got paid.

Some critics are already attacking this law as an attempt by government to buy individual fingerprints from the public. While the government remains vocal that the print is used only to identify the number of times each person used this program, and all cleared records will be destroyed after Sunday. Joe Kraler, a car manufacturer employee of Normal, IL commented: “I’m not in any position to forfeit ten thousand bucks from the fear of Big Brother. I will take my chances with money.”…

You are very welcome!

American Citizen Enrichment Day Act form

2 Responses to “TODAY! $10,000 To Every U.S. Citizen For Fingerprint! – American Citizen Enrichment Day Act”

  1. steven griffin says:

    dear sir, Is this for real H.R. 4221 OFFICIAL BANK RELEASE NOTE of $10,000 to do as I please with it, please get back to me. thanks steven griffin.

    • reproductive orphan. says:

      Steven, H.R. 4221 was the annual April 1st joke. All the content of the article is fictional. The real joke is that something like this could very much help the struggling America, is theoretically possible, yet this fictional bill is sadly as close as it will ever get to reality. The intent was to make the joke bittersweet. There is always a nugget of truth to every anecdote.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *